where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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