You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
