You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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