ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
