Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
