WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
