Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
