I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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