Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.