We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.