I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers