Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
