can we get nightvision for the apartment?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
