ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
