I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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