is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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