Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
