allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
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All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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