You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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