This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
