Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
