Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
