I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
