he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
