So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
