I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
