I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
