he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
