I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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