yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
