What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
