....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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