suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
