your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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