between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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