I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
