dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Your tits are I can't wait for
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
