i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
