omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
