Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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