don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
