Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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