just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
