You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
