why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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