uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
