At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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