Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
