i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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