I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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