It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
