My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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