Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
