i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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