i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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