i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
