ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
