you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
