Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
