So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
