This is not my ceiling
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
