I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He felt like a one man threesome
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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