i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
