pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
