Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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