pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You were trust falling into bushes
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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