my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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