And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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