Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
