I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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